DINK: Double Income No Kids

Over the last year, I learned a new term: DINK. Or, Double Income No Kids.

I guess that includes Levi and I, and while I don’t find it offensive, I also don’t feel at all attached to it.

In your 30’s when you’re still young and considered to be of those ‘child-bearing years’ the question of when you’re going to start having kids occurs frequently. For us, I had just taken on the yoga studio and wanted to get another year settled into the role before thinking about kids. And when I would say that, people (especially older women) would say, ‘well, that’s when it will happen!’ As though they are all-knowing.

This goes on for about 3 years (and I imagine the younger you are when you marry, the longer it goes), until the statute of limitations runs out on time and people stop asking at all and begin to label you in their mind: they don’t want children.

So, they stop, they stop bringing it up completely and you move through the world without any of the questions people close to you should have been asking or people older than you should have been coaching you around.

Then after several years of marriage and not even an inkling of pregnancy, I found myself going through some rather uncomfortable/painful testing to see why.

Not impossible, said the doctor, but difficult.

And then you turn 40.

I was surprised around this time how many of our friends with kids began to turn away from us. We would invite them to things and they always had an excuse-even when you’re emphatic that it’s ‘kid-friendly’. Until after a short time, they stop RSVPing no, they stop inviting you to their events and you are fully ghosted.

Up to this point, dear reader, maybe you’re thinking this is some sort of ‘poor Carmen’ sob story. I, in no way intend that to be the tone of this. My intention of writing this is to expose a gap in understanding. A quiet phenomenon of discourse between those with children and those without (no matter the reason). As though we had some sort of formal conversation to separate as friends, when in fact no such conversation ever occurred.

In the vein of communication and on the behalf of the childless, let me share this:

1.      If we say kid-friendly, we mean it.

2.      If we say, not kid friendly, we REALLY mean it.

3.      Don’t call me ‘Aunt’ unless I am actually their aunt.

4.      You are not less interesting because you have children.

5.      Yes, we want to hear about your kids.

6.      We don’t hate kids just because we don’t have children. Please stop treating us like we do.

Cool? Cool.