Never-Nesters

A little while back, Levi and I were on the phone talking about something, exactly what I don’t remember, but at one point I made a comment about not having the experience of the kids leaving home and having to learn to live with your partner again.

Levi very plainly says, ‘We’re never-nesters.’

Hmmm…we are a couple who had to learn to lean into each other in a lot of ways. Over the nearly 15 years together, we have learned how to travel together, work on home projects, argue/fight, make up, support each other (this might be the hardest and most important) and how to hold each other up.

We do have a nest, it’s small and includes us and the dog, and we are very protective of it because the size of our unit is so tiny. But I think that has also made us have conversations and check-ins we wouldn’t have had otherwise.

I also think it has created friendships we wouldn’t have been able to support or maintain. We have found ourselves in the loving arms of other childless couples, and those whose kids are already grown-the empty nesters. We have had very lengthy conversations with our friends about relationships and the things that make them work and they things that don’t.

The one thing that always is a theme for these couples is they raise each other up. They know how to praise the other person, they know how to step in when the other is down or needs extra love. They are also consistent with the smallest of things, like setting up the coffee maker or taking the dog out in the morning and knowing the other person is consistent in their ways that keep everything afloat.

While it is easy to assume many things about the childless couple, if they are still married, they have had to do their own share of personal work and development. And if you are someone who has recently sent the last child off to school and the two of you are looking at each other like strangers-you might consider reaching out to some of those friends who have never been through that. They did a different kind of work that you and your partner could learn from.

Let’s not bask in the things that make us different, but enjoy the ways we can support and care for each other and use each person’s experience to inform our own.